Not Giving Up.... Infertility Update

Wednesday, March 16, 2016

I don't normally talk about this on my blog, but I felt I wanted to write a little something.

For those of you that know our background you will know we've been trying for children for a long time, 9 years this year..... I try and say to quickly so it doesn't sound so long, its nearly a decade, a decade of trying without success, a decade of tests and treatments yet still no babe in arms.

The longing to be a mother and to make Chris a father is at its strongest right now which makes my current situation even more frustrating. 

This year was going to be OUR YEAR but deep down I knew my body had changed, I could feel it, something had been 'not quite right' for a while, my cycles were all over the place and if I'm honest the flow (TMI -sorry)  was UNBEARABLE. It was getting to the point where I was actually taking days off work. Its actually embarrassing to ring up work to say 'sorry I won't be in I'm on my period' - what am I at school?!! 

Knowing something was a drift and wanting to try again to conceive Baby Millard I knew I had to to get checked out, I was referred for scans and my suspicions were confirmed FIBROIDS, I knew I had a couple, they were there when I had my last treatment but they were teeny tiny.... they have grown..... one of them is actually the size of a baseball... A BASEBALL... I have a mass inside me THAT BIG.  Its frightening. Its a non cancerous mass that is just sat there..... The thought of it being inside me makes me feel queasy.

Then came the downer, the big tumour is attached to the lining of my womb, if they operate they may damage it. They are reluctant to operate and they advised me to just carry on as normal... 
AS NORMAL...... How do I do that knowing I have this mass inside me?

Cue tears..... I've been on a bit of a downer about it to be honest. 
But after the tears came determination, determination to get a second opinion, determination to see a specialist and what else could be done, what alternative options I have.

I went back to my GP and he was so helpful and really listened to me and is pushing to get me referred somewhere else. 

My first referral came through tonight and I FINALLY feel I'm getting somewhere. I felt fobbed off  by the hospital and now I feel a bit more hopeful that I'm being listened to and they will help me.

I voiced all this is my latest Tea With E (below)  

The support has been amazing, I feel so grateful to have such supportive subscribers, some going through the same struggle, some telling me stories of hope, it really is humbling and I want to thank everyone who has been in touch. 

I will keep you all posted on whats happening but all I will say is Millard's  don't give up!!

Love Mrs M xxxxx

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  1. I watched your video a few days ago Emma and I hope that this year is the year you have the news you have been waiting for. I understand what you mean when you say you just want the tumour removing as you don't want it to be part of your body. I wish you all the luck and support in the world and pray that this will be the year for you and Chris to be on your way to having baby Millard. Please keep going, I'm sure this year will be the one, stay strong!

    Kirsty x

  2. I've been through infertility myself so I know where your coming from and how it makes you both feel, you and Chris would make such lovely parents, keep positive and imagine holding baby Millard in your arms.

    Big hugs,

    Kerry xx

  3. I had no idea! You're a strong fighter Emma and I only hope the best for you, my fingers are crossed! This is my worst fear and I can only imagine what you're going through. Massive hugs! xx


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