At what point do you give up??

Sunday, February 24, 2013

The other day on the Jeremy Vine show on Radio 2 I was glued to the discussion about the fact that they are raising the IVF age limit to 42 and his topic was,
'Do you ever get over the fact you may never be a mum' and 'is it possible to accept it?'
The stories really were compelling listening and several times I found myself welling up engrossed in these listeners battle with fertility.

At the time you think YOU ARE THE ONLY ONES, when really you're not.
So many people these days battle with fertility issues.
Its hard, its a daily struggle, you live in hope every month.

The topic however stuck with me for the rest of the week..
Would I get over the fact I might never be a mum? Could I accept it?.
What about the husbands? It always seems they kinda get overlooked in all this when they are hurting just as much.
In answer to the question, at this precise moment in time NO. I don't think I ever could or ever would get over it.
It would be like a piece my heart would never ever be filled, I would never be complete, quite simply I would be broken hearted. We both would.
Who knows how I would feel over time I can't answer that.

We have battled with infertility for nearly 6 years now. When we got married in 2007 I literally chucked my pill away and revelled in the fact that in the next few months I would be getting pregnant, even googling baby events when I wasn't even pregnant.
Fast forward nearly 6 years.... 2x fertility treatments, endless tests, poking prodding, samples, health scares, syndrome diagnosis and I don't even want to think about hospital parking costs and here me and my husband are... still childless, no child to rock to sleep, no child to sing a lullaby to at night, no child to wrap their tiny fingers round ours, no child to call our own.
Let me tell you that hurts, it hurts a hell of a lot!!!

One thing is for sure, we are not giving up.

Right now we are taking a rest from it all as I'm sure people who have been through this can vouch for me, it is a total roller coaster of emotions to put yourself through treatment, not only physically but mentally. Its time to take stock and reflect while my husband and I enjoy each other and just recharge ready for the next round.

Till then, we live in hope, hope that we won't end up childless, hope that we will have a child to rock to sleep, hope that we have a child to sing a lullaby to at night, hope that we will have a child to wrap their tiny fingers round ours, hope that we will have a child to call our own.



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  1. I couldn't give up the hope. Not yet. But it's hard every time I see a pregnant or mums with their babies. I got an abdomen surgery last year and the worst thought was, that I could lose my uterus. Thank god, this didn't happen so we have still a chance.
    Now we also have a break, because my uterus must heal before we can go on trying to get pregnant.

    I'll keep my fingers cross for you and your husband. xoxo

  2. I feel for you hon, I really do. I've had two ectopic pregnancies, and my last one nearly killed me. We'd known I was pregnant for just 3 short weeks this time when the familiar pain came back. Long story short my fallopian tube ruptured, and I started bleeding out internally. By the time I'd got to theatre I'd lost 2-3 litres of blood. I nearly died on the table and my tube had to be removed. The experience has put my husband off trying again, and the trauma at the op site has caused ovarian cysts which are agony.

    Although our situations are different, I know that longing to hold a baby in my arms and I feel if I never have a child it'll tinge my whole life. I wish you all the luck in the world. Massive squidgey hugs. x x x

  3. I was Diagnosed with PCOS at 22yrs old.... Being told i may never be a Mummy killed me! At 25yrs i decided i wanted to start the process of having a baby, lots of test & treatments without success, i was then put on 3 1/2 yr IVF waiting list whilst still having further investigations & treatments 'just in case'. No results i was a human pin cushion! At 29yrs old i was told my only hope was IVF & just wait for my appt......I got my date thru August 2008, by now i have given up any hope without IVF. We decided to get married & started to book everything and i thru myself into it - I was getting married May 2008...... Then in August 2007 - 10 months before i was due to get married i discovered i was !!! Pregnant !!!. My Beautiful little girl arrived 3 wks before my wedding! A very welcomed guest!

    It will be your turn soon, Emma Never give up hope! Reflexolgy was the key for me i am certain, Good Luck with your sessions & just enjoy your life.xx

  4. Bless your heart Emma,I like you have struggled and have yet to conceive. I have PCOS, a diagnoses that left me feeling both devastated and yet relieved as at long last ( 4 years for us) I knew why I wasn't falling.

    IVF isn't something we have gone on with, there are many reasons, the expense as its apparently unethical to treat me on the NHS as I am over weight. Another is I know that I am just simply not strong enough, all the tests and poking and prodding I have been through has taken enough of a toll.

    I have swung full circle with my emotions from it being all I can think of to being adamant that I don't want a baby (safer to say and feel this than anything else at the time), till now,my happy place. I wont and will not give up hope, but if it doesn't happen, I know I will still be a mummy as we want to adopt.

    I have may bad days still where my heart breaks when I see how amazing Rich my husband is with our nieces, but most of the time I stay strong, because one day we will be parents.

    And so will you and your husband.

    Thank you so much for such a thoughtful piece xxxxxxxxxxxx

  5. I myself have suffered 2 miscarriages over the last 2 years. Its heartbreaking. I had my son when I was 17 and naive. Fastforward 16 years later and not a single pregnancy since his birth and FINALLY a Dr who thinks there needs some investigating. I am t2 diabetic, turns out I also have aggressive PCOS and as it was showing symptoms which were largely ignored and left untreated I developed diabetes from the insulin resistance. Of course, getting big was a small part of it but all the side effects combined left me ravaged. I was given a course of clomid 50mg as I wasn't ovulating, and subsequent testing showed we did with that dose and so they kept me on it - for a whole year. No baby. 6 months later out of the blue I am pregnant! 2 weeks later we sadly miscarried our baby. A year plus on and no pregnancy again, so a second referral through my nurse to a different Dr who specialises in pre conceptual diabetic care gave me 6 months of 100mg of clomid and bang! 1st month, pregnant!! 2 weeks later again a miscarriage. Now I still had those clomid tablets but refused to take them as I wanted to research even further and discovered that actually it is all down to progesterone levels more than likely. So I have been referred to a different hospital and they agree, have given me clomid 100mg for 4 months AND a prescription for progesterone pessaries to use twice a day from the day I find out I am pregnant until at least 12 weeks. See, PCOS means you have low levels of progesterone usually which is why you don't ovulate, and if you do, the normal levels aren't present and will drop which signals to your body that no pregnancy has been achieved and needs to shed the lining of the womb. Hence a miscarriage. So the progesterone pessaries keep your levels up so your baby stands a chance until the placenta is developed, at around 12 weeks. So guess what me and hubby are up to for the forseeable future?!

    Best of luck to everyone here, I am 36 with a son who is 19 years old this December and hopefully by his birthday mother to a new baby or very soon to be! Keep the faith girls, and don't take no for an answer xxxx


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